Zinfandarling Gets Pruned: A Vineyard Tale

 Zinfandarling.

Zinfandarling.

Hey, God! It’s me! Zinfandarling! Over here in the southeast corner of the vineyard!

Good morning.

Will You be pruning today?

Yes, that’s why I’m here.

Great! I’m sure You remember my super crop last fall. That’s going to be a great vintage! Me and my big fruity zins.

Yes.

So, you’ll go easy with clippers, right? I mean, don’t mess with success and all that.

Hmmm.

Okay. Well, have You been over in the. . .hey! You’re working pretty fast there. Are you going to thin the entire block like that?

Yes.

Whoa! You do realize I’m a 50 year old head-trained vine, right? A treasure? A little fragile, maybe?

Yes.

Well, I’m not appreciating the scalping here.

Your pride canes are thick. They’ll sap good growth in humility.

Well, have you seen those hoity-toity pinot noirs? They’re bristling like. . .

That’s not your business.

What?

That’s not your business.

But, the cabernets and syrahs are. . .

Shhhh.

What?

Shhhh. I’m working.

But . . . OUCH! That was a big healthy spur! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

 Necessary reduction.

Necessary reduction.

That spur was a tendency to anger. It would grow much larger and increase the risk of being knocked off, damaging your trunk.

What?

Your growth would be injured.

I’m injured now!

No, you are not.

God, I thought I was long past needing to be pruned like this.

No, you are not.

But, AUGGHH. . . WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Pruning for quality.

What?

Flavor concentration.

Have you seen the reviews? MY FLAVOR IS FINE!!!

My flavor is what is important.

What?

My flavor is what is important.

But do you prune the chardonnays and sauvig. . .

That’s not your business.

(Long silence, except for the sound of snipping.)

 All done.

All done.

I’ll never recover.

You will be fine. Trust Me.

(Long silence, except for the sound of more snipping.)

There’ll be less wine.

There will be better wine.

(Silence.)

Alright.

Yes, it will be alright.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s wintertime. Pruning season. Been pruned yet? Want to share?

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